Sunday, June 27, 2010

A circle in the sand

** Waxing philosophical blog to follow please try not to barf from sappiness**
Last weekend we headed to explore back beach. The waves were sooo big (for Timor) that it would have been a perfect boogie board day but we have been living without our beach stuff for so long that I forgot that we actually HAD it now. The water was a little too rough for the kids so Sammy and I ended up heading to shore to build a sand castle. I got down on my hands and knees and drew a circle in the sand with the edge of the shovel. I was immediately washed over with a deja vu type feeling. How many times had I seen my Mom do the exact same thing as a child. The memory was so fresh it felt almost tangible. She would draw a circle in the sand and then proceed to build a moat, then she would use the sand from the moat to build castles in layers. Each castle would then receive some sort of ornament for the top, be it a shell, straw or cool piece of trash. As I followed these EXACT steps I was overwhelmed by how close I felt to my Mom even though she was hundreds of thousands of miles away. The rest of the day I walked around the house thinking how similar to my mother I have become. Here I am about to turn 29 and I have 3 cuties 4 and under, just like my mom. I live far far away from my family, just like my mom. I can't relax in a messy house, I feel like watching a movie (unless it is really funny) is a waste of time because I could be doing something more productive. I cry in the shower when I am overwhelmed but don't want the kids to see, because I know tomorrow I will wake up totally revitalized. I give the last of MY ice cream to my little beggar boys after they have polished off theirs even though I really want it. I make two dinners often because someone would prefer toast sandwich's to whatever I initially made. I am really good at saying sorry to my kiddos after I get more mad then I should have at something silly. All these things and soooo much more I get from my mom. I know it was just fathers day and I do have two AMAZING father figures in my life, but these past few weeks I feel like there is no way I could ever thank my mom for what she has done for me. I know it is because I am on the flip side now and can see the hundred of thousands of little sacrifices she made for me, and I hope that this little "circle in the sand" will continue and some day Abby will realize she is just like me, and be as happy about it as I am.

4 comments:

The Gardener said...

I'm crying...pretty sure you've made your Mom cry. Sweet.

Elizabeth Moon said...

:)

Cady said...

What a beautiful and poetic tribute to your momma. You, my dear, are a great woman, and obviously your mom is since she raised you!

LondonCalling said...

Mom cried when she read it. So did Claire and I.